literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
