just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
did you just send me my own nude
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
