he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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