the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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