did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we're making bets on your personal life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
