Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
