we're blogging at a bar
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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