she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
