GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
