so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
