I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
