If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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