Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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