it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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