Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
