I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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