real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
