epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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