a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
