Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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