; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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