Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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