I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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