They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
