i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there's paper in my vomit.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
