i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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