Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
