i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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