What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
