Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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