I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
