I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
