He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
