I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
