there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
