You made me cry and you don't even care
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
