What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
