I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
is wine microwaveable?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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