we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
