Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
