gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
