Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
