i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
