Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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