i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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