Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
