census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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