God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
