i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize