Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
