I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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