I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
