you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
