the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
