you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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