You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
