Someone shit on the floor
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
