I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
