Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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