capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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