The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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