wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
