i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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