Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
