Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
