If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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