1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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