So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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