I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
