U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Im part way to drunk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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